Saving Lives
by NCISequalslove
Summary: What happens when you're life is devoted to saving the lives of others?
1. Helping Others

Disclaimer: So, I own nothing, not NCIS and not the characters, even though I dearly wish I did.

Tuesday - 1400 hours – NCIS headquarters

"Now, you understand how this is going to happen, Commander?" Gibbs asked.

Less than 24 hours had passed since Commander Willis had arrived at his home to find his door broken in, his house in shambles, and his family gone. Four years prior, the Commander had been permanently assigned to work with a major Weapons manufacturer which held multiple U.S. government contracts and secrets. Now, his family had been kidnapped, most likely by a terrorist cell, and was being held for ransom, that being for the blueprints to the government's newest weapon designs. Gibbs and his team had been working vigorously since 1930 hours yesterday to try and save Commander Willis' family before it was too late and capture some of the members of the cell.

"We're not putting a wire on you, because the first thing they'll do is check you when you walk in," Kate stated as she walked over to the Commander with the fake blueprints in a metallic briefcase.

"Make sure you stay calm, don't let them rattle you. Our team will be surrounding the building along with SWAT and FBI agents. We'll be listening in, and as soon as we are certain of your family's safety, we'll end it," she assured him with a smile.

"Yeah, everything will be fine," Tony chimed in to reassure the very nervous Commander.

"Boss, I just got off the phone with Fornell, he said the team's waiting outside," McGee yelled to Gibbs as he hurried into the bullpen.

"Alright, thanks McGee," Gibbs replied.

"You ready?" he turned to the Commander.

"Yeah, let's get this over with, I just wanna see my family," He said as he stood up and they walked towards the elevator.

1530 hours – Abandoned warehouse outside of D.C.

"Did you bring the papers?" Gibbs, Fornell, and the team heard the man say to the Commander through the equipment McGee had set up a couple hundred yards away.

"Yes, now can I please have my family back?" the Commander pleaded.

"No, I have to see the prints first," the man replied.

"Gibbs, I don't trust this," Kate turned to him, "Something doesn't sound right"

"Do we have a visual yet Fornell?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah we have a visual on the family. No one next to them, but two goons blocking the entrances with guns. The leader is in the middle of the room, armed, examining the plans" Fornell replied.

"Gibbs, if we don't get in there now, this isn't going to end well," Kate warned.

"It's too risky, Kate," he replied.

"He's gonna end up shooting everyone in that room if this isn't intercepted now!" She cried, "Order them in!"

Gibbs wasn't one to doubt intuition, especially Kate's. "Call them in," Gibbs told Fornell as he, Kate, and Tony ran towards the metal structure.

Within seconds, the SWAT team and FBI agents had taken out the guards at the entrances and chaos had erupted. But the chaos had just made the leader nervous, and he swiftly turned on his foot and blew three bullets out towards the family. Kate, being the fastest, ran and jumped in front of the family, just as she had been taught to do in the Secret Service. All three bullets hit her, two in the vest and one in the leg. As she fell to the floor, four men tackled the leader of the cell to the ground and ceased his weapon.

Kate heard the Commander's wife bust into tears and grab her children before running towards her husband and embracing him. But Kate felt like she had just gotten hit by a truck. She felt Gibbs run to her side and put his hand under her neck before she lost consciousness…

So it's not done yet, but please read and review! Thanks =)


	2. Feeling Pain

2300 hours – Bethesda Hospital, D.C.

Kate woke up in a dimly lit hospital room, attached to multiple machines. After adjusting her focus, she turned her neck to look around the room, only to see Gibbs snoring, propped up in a chair by her bed. She wanted to sit up, but as soon as she began to lean forward, her abdomen sent pain throughout her entire body. She felt a large bandage wrapped around her left leg and her ribcage as she leaned back against the bed. A small, low cry of pain escaped her lips, and it was more than enough to wake Gibbs out of his sleep.

"Kate," Gibbs whispered, "What are you trying to do?"

"Nothing Gibbs, What time is it, and why are you still here?" she replied.

"Uhm," he coughed, "it's a little after eleven, and I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"What happened? Was everyone ok?" she asked him, concerned.

"Yeah, you saved them," He said angrily, "What the hell were you thinking in there? You could have got yourself or one of us killed!"

"Gibbs, I am trained to protect, and I was NOT about to let those people die," she said as she made her second attempt to sit up, but failed again and leaned back in pain.

"What if the SWAT team or the other agents weren't there, and didn't get him in time? How many other agents or innocent people do you think he would have taken out besides you? You weren't the only one involved in this," he growled at her.

"Don't you DARE try and kid yourself Gibbs. You and I both know that our number one priority was protecting that family, whatever the cost," she yelled back.

"Is everything ok in here?" a tall man with dark brown hair peeked into the entrance to Kate's room.

"Mike! Yeah, everything's fine," Kate said to him as she continued to glare at Gibbs.

Michael was Kate's current man. Like the many others Kate had gone through, he was a good man, genuinely kind and hard working, and very sweet. But unlike the other cases, this was the first time Kate had a really good feeling. She felt like there was some semblance of a chance that this relationship might last. Mike had been fairly supportive about her job, since he was very committed to his own, working on Capital Hill and all.

Following his entrance was the Doctor. Michael moved to the corner of the room, behind Gibbs, and waited to hear the Doctor's report.

"Ok, well, you seem to have taken some hard hits, but you're going to be fine. You bruised your ribcage pretty badly and fractured a lower rib, but miraculously you didn't break any bones. We removed the bullet from your left calf, so it will be tender for a couple days, and you'll have to come back to get the stitches out, but you will be fine," he reported, "We'll have to keep you here for observation overnight, but you'll probably be released tomorrow morning. As for you two," he said as he turned towards Gibbs and Michael, "I suggest you go home and rest, since she'll be fine. But she won't be running around for quite sometime."

"Thank you doctor," Kate said as he left the room.

"Gibbs, this is Michael Thomas, Mike this is my Boss Gibbs," Kate introduced the two.

"Very nice to meet you sir, Kate's told me so much about you," Mike replied as he shook Gibbs hand.

"Great, well it was nice to meet you," he said to Mike as he stood up from his chair and started towards the door, "Kate, take tomorrow off and get better"

He walked out of the room without another word.

Kate was thoroughly confused, angry, and saddened by Gibbs. She wanted to rip him apart and ask him why. But right now, she was in too much pain, and way too exhausted for all of that. And besides, she was confined to a hospital bed until morning with Mike at her side.

"What was going on with him?" Mike asked Kate as he replaced Gibbs in the chair beside her bed.

"Nothing, I'm not worried about it. But how did you find out where I was? I am glad you're here but I was surprised to see you!" she responded.

"Tony picked up your cell phone when I called. He was laughing about something…"

"Yeah, don't worry about it, I'll be thanking him for that…" Kate interrupted in a sarcastic tone.

They both started laughing and Kate was really glad that Mike had found his way to her. She wasn't sure she wanted tomorrow to come.


	3. Another day

Wednesday – 0830 hours – NCIS headquarters

McGee sat at his desk, typing away at his key board with one hand, while drinking a coffee with his other hand. Tony, on the other hand, had his head down on his desk and was snoring away. Since they figured that Kate would be out for a while, they had taken on the responsibility of writing up the reports for her. But neither one was too excited about it, especially McGee, who knew he'd end up doing Tony's portion as well.

A few feet away, the elevator doors opened up and Kate strided out looking well rested but still in some pain. She strolled into the bullpen with her own coffee, glad to see that Gibbs was nowhere in sight. She didn't want to stay home today, especially when she knew she had so much to do here. She sat down, and was immensely amused at McGee's shocked face.

"Kate, what are you doing here? And how are you feeling?" McGee asked in a shocked tone, "Gibbs told us you wouldn't be in for a while!"

"I'm fine McGee, thank you," Kate replied, " and you can send me my portion of the report now."

With that, Tony woke up, lifted his head off the desk, and stared straight at Kate.

"Huh? What are you doing here, Kate? And McGoogle, why aren't you finishing the report?" Tony yelled at the two of them.

"Tony, keep your voice down! I'm here because I'm fine, and I am doing my portion of the report so McGee doesn't have to, since you wouldn't have been any help," Kate replied, "Do either of you know where Gibbs is?"

"Yeah he was called up to the director's office," said Tony, "But Gibbs said you'd be taking some time off?"

"No, I'm fine. It's better that I am here than sitting at home," Kate stated, "Besides, I wouldn't possibly want to miss time with you, Tony, "she added sarcastically.

Suddenly Gibbs marched through the conversation area to his desk with a large scowl on his face. It was painfully clear to Kate that today was not going to be fun. It was bad enough that she didn't take Gibbs advice and stay home, but whatever the Director had to say to him, it obviously didn't help the situation.

"What are you doing here?" Gibbs growled at Kate, "I told you to take time off and get better."

"The Doctor said I was fine to go back to work, I just might have to be careful for the next few days," and without giving time for Gibbs to interrupt her, Kate continued, "and I knew that the boys here would need help filling out the reports and such, so I need to be here."

"Well, since you're here, I might as well tell you all that we are expected to attend the Interagency Awards Gala held tomorrow night, Director's order," Gibbs stated without lifting his head from his files, "and you are allowed to bring a guest if you'd like," he added, looking angrily towards Kate.

With no time to ask questions, Gibbs' phone rang and beckoned him downstairs to Abby's lab, where the bullets that had been pulled out of Kate's vest had gone through vigorous testing. He stormed around the desk and towards the elevator doors.

"Well, we should all prepare for one grouchy boss for the next 48 hours," Tony stated with a sigh.

"I don't get," McGee said, looking awfully confused.

"You wouldn't, would you probie? Gibbs HATE social events like the Gala, talking to a bunch of the head honchos from other agencies and pretending like he cares about their political agendas. He ESPECIALLY hates awards, and he has won one every single year. Not that he actually accepts them, Ducky has had to go up and give an excuse for him every time," Tony explained.

"Well, this should be interesting…" Kate thought to herself, "As if it wasn't bad enough having to deal with the fact that he was mad at me already for some unknown reason, now he will definitely be in a bad mood…"

She was starting to believe that she really should have stayed home today.


	4. Facing Defeat

Thursday – 0030 hours – NCIS Headquarters

Kate had been filling out reports all day, and long past when Tony and McGee had gone home. For that matter, everyone except her and Gibbs had gone home. As usual. On top of completing normal reports, the team had found out in the middle of the day that one of the interns had accidently knocked over a couple of boxes of paperwork in the evidence locker, and it turned into their jobs to sort through and figure out what belonged where. At this point, Kate's sight was blurry, her fingers were covered in paper cuts, the bruises on her abdomen ached and the pain in her leg began to throb. She simply wanted to go home and jump into her nice, comfy bed. Tomorrow, she would ask Mike if he would join her at the Gala, and she was super excited for that. But right now she was sitting at her desk, and she was almost done. She just needed another 30 minutes and she could leave.

Right now, Kate was by herself. Gibbs had gone to take the last of the reorganized boxes down to the evidence locker. It was so nice to be alone, in peace. Gibbs had been grouchy and mean all day, which made Tony whine, and annoyed the hell out of McGee and Kate. Kate was pretty sure that the day couldn't really get any worse.

But then it did.

Kate's phone rang and startled her. It was Mike.

"Hello?"

"Hi Kate, it's Mike"

"Hey Mike, what are you still doing up?" she joked with him.

"I need to talk to you Kate, are you busy?"

"No, why? What's up?" Kate was so confused, and nervous. She thought everything was going well with them and she thought she had a chance at being with someone who could accept her for her. But she knew from the tone of his voice that what he had to say wouldn't be good.

"Listen, I love everything we have right now. I love spending time with you, and I love having fun with you. You are the first person who understands my situation with work and how important my job is to me. It's great…"

"But?"

"But, seeing you in the hospital yesterday…. Well, it scared the crap out of me. I started falling for you, and I just don't think I could see you get hurt all the time, and I know that's part of the job that you love so dearly. I don't want you to think I don't want this to work, but I couldn't take worrying about you all the time. I'm sorry Kate…"

"Yeah," Kate responded quietly, "I understand."

"I still think we should stay friends, if that's ok with you"

"Sure, Mike," she said slowly, "Listen I have to get going, gotta finish this thing…"

"Uh, oh, ok," he said, "Again, I'm really sorry Kate,"

"It's fine, Mike. I'll talk to you soon," she said, and with that she hung up.

Gibbs walked back into the bullpen, and immediately noticed Kate. She looked like someone had just punched her in the gut, and her eyes were lost in her thoughts.

"You ok?" he asked as he moved towards his desk.

"Huh? Uh yeah, I'm fine," she lied.

Kate couldn't breathe suddenly. She wanted to grab her coat and run out into the cold December D.C. air without any direction. She wanted to scream out and yell at the top of her lungs. But instead, she sat back in her chair, and held back a single tear that was threatening to fall down her face. She stared straight at the computer screen and went back to finishing her report as quickly as she could.

As soon as she finished up the last word, Kate hit print and grabbed her coat and purse.

"The report's in the printer, Gibbs," she stated in a low tone and headed towards the elevator, without even saying goodnight.

Gibbs sat there, next to the dim light beaming out from his desk lamp, and watched as she made her way out of the bullpen. Today, she had seemed fine to him, even considering the fact that he was unnecessarily harsh on all of them. But just now something had changed. She looked lost, gone, defeated. He hated to see her like this, especially since he had such a hard time keeping his eyes off of her.

He was so angry at her the other night, for putting herself in danger when she saved the family. He couldn't bear to see her hurt or in pain, and he hated how good she was sometimes. Things only got worse for him when Mike came to visit her.

"What an Idiot…" Gibbs whispered quietly to himself.

Gibbs knew she deserved someone better. He wanted to be the one that made her that happy. But he made sure to remind himself of the consequences of any outside relationship with Kate every single day. For one, their jobs interfered. Not to mention that Kate was quite a bit younger than him. It just killed him, a decorated marine officer and a tough one at that, it broke him down when he couldn't see her happy. He wanted to talk to her, make her feel better, but he also knew that she needed some space before she would talk about anything.

For now, he just needed to follow in her footsteps and head home. He grabbed his things, and shut off his desk lamp before walking out.


	5. Sheer Emptiness

Thursday - 0700 hours – Kate's Apartment

_Damn Alarm clock_, Kate thought, as she pulled her hand out of the warm blankets she was wrapped in to stop the blaring ring that woke her up. She sat up in her bed and turned her head to the right to look out of her window. The sun was just beginning to brighten the bottom of the sky as it peeked over the horizon.

Kate had never remembered feeling so empty before. Yesterday, she was distraught with Mike's call, but this morning, well she just felt _empty_. She sat in silence in the dark room thinking about what had happened within the last 48 hours. The only man for whom she had high hopes about establishing some sort of stable relationship with had single handedly destroyed any remaining sections of Kate's spirit.

Truth be told, Kate's spirit had slowly been torn apart at NCIS. She loved her job more than anything else in her life, but it was one of the main reasons she was now sitting feeling empty. When she first came to NCIS, she was optimistic and not afraid to face a challenge. She wanted to put her best efforts into every detail of every job she attacked. What was possibly the most changed was Kate's ideas about love. Before becoming Special Agent Todd at NCIS, Kate naively believed she would be able to get everything she wanted out of this world, including the perfect family.

Then she became an agent.

Everyday she saw families torn apart, people being murdered, good human beings weakened by temptation for terrible things. Her optimism began to fade. The work load piled on the team higher and higher. And soon, Kate could no longer afford to put all of her efforts into every little detail of every single case they worked on. Worst of all, however, was her infatuation with her boss.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs had made his way into Kate's heart from the first day she met him. She didn't understand the attraction then and it didn't take over every facet of her life. But slowly and surely, her desire for him began to grow. She had the innate ability to see right past his hard exterior into his soft, kind soul, and she loved every bit of it. She loved his determination, his passion, his desire to help others, no matter the cost.

But, like the many other things in Kate's life, he was just one other that she couldn't have.

It broke her down to have to walk into work everyday and sit so close to him knowing that their relationship would never work. For one thing, they worked together, and they both loved their jobs way too much to give it up for any relationship. She didn't even know that he had EVER even thought about her the way that she felt about him, and he seemed to be especially hard on her at work.

She would never love Michael, or anyone for that matter, as much as she loved Gibbs. But knowing that she couldn't have him, Kate had tried to move on and find someone else she would be willing to settle down with and have a family of her own. To her, Michael was her last hope at ever finding someone to form a family with, and now that was gone too.

She dragged herself out of her bed and silently prayed as she walked towards the bathroom that she would have enough in her to make it through the day today.


	6. Her happiness

Thursday – 1715 hours – Gibbs' House

Stepping inside through his front door into his dark living room, Gibbs flipped the light switch on, threw his bags on the couch, and shut the door behind him. With a sigh, he walked returned to the couch, sat down, and put his head in his hand.

_God, I haven't been home this early since… since I don't even remember when_, Gibbs thought to himself. But it wasn't by choice that Gibbs left his desk earlier than usual. The Director himself had walked out onto his balcony above the bullpen around 12 in the afternoon and ordered all the agents to leave so that they could prepare for the Gala tonight.

Gibbs couldn't help but smirk when he saw Tony start to skip around the room at the mention of leaving early. McGee even sat at his desk with a small smile of satisfaction spread across his face. But when he turned to look over at Kate, he saw that she was still intently focused on her work. It was like she didn't even notice what had just happened around her.

Tony wasn't ok with that, and immediately began to yell at her.

"Kate, Kate! Didn't you just hear that?" Tony cried as he skipped over to her desk.

"Huh, oh yeah Tony, I did," she responded without turning her eyes away from her computer screen.

"Well, I'm not gonna be the one to disobey a direct order from the director, so I guess I'll be seeing you all later!" He exclaimed as he grabbed his things and quickly made his way towards the elevator.

"Boss?" McGee looked at Gibbs with a question on his face.

"You heard the man, McGee. Go home," Gibbs replied.

"Alright then," McGee nodded, "Bye boss, bye Kate," he said as he waived and walked out.

Gibbs and Kate sat in silence for a few minutes before Gibbs started up a conversation.

"Kate, leave the rest of whatever you're working on for tomorrow. I'm sure it can wait," he said once he realized she wasn't going to budge without force.

"No let me just…" she began to argue back with him before Abby came bounding into the bullpen.

"Hi Gibbs, Kate! Kate, I was wondering if you wanted to go grab some lunch before you went home to get ready for tonight? You can come too Gibbs, if you'd like," Abby stated all rather quickly.

"Well, Abby I was just about to finish…"

"Kate, come on that can wait," Abby interrupted her for the second time and began pulling her up from her desk, "Gibbs you coming?"

"Nah, Abbs I've got to get home, but you two have fun, " he said.

He watched as Kate internally decided that she didn't have enough energy in her to argue with Abby today, and so, put her coat on and grabbed her bags with a fake smile. Abby then continued to pull her out of the bullpen towards the elevator, talking all the way out.

Now, as he sat in his living room thinking about all of this, he couldn't help but wish that he had asked Kate what was going on. He had never seen such a lack of _spirit_ from her before, and if he was being honest, it scared him.

_Maybe she just needs a little break from work_, he pondered to himself, _Maybe the gala tonight is just what she needs to cheer her up._

The possibility of seeing Kate happy tonight was motivating him to continue to get ready. After he finally left work a few hours later, he went to the cleaners to pick up his tux and grabbed an extra large coffee as well. He still had to shower and shave before he left.

The only downside Gibbs could see to all this was the fact that he was sure Kate would look beautiful on stupid Mike's arm. He would have to suffer as he watched her show affection and love another man besides him, and that always killed him inside.

_Although after today_, he thought as he walked towards the bathroom, _I just want to see her happy, even if it is with Mike_…


	7. Without Guest

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from NCIS, DBP, or Hilton Worldwide, just trying to write a good story!

Author's Note: Thank you for all of the awesome support! It is definitely helping me to get more out to you guys, so thanks again!!!

Thursday – 1900 hours – Hilton Washington

Kate arrived at the building right on time. She forced herself to put on a smiley front for Abby at lunch, and then she went home and began to get ready to do it on a larger scale for the Gala tonight, which she had forgotten all about until the director mentioned it at noon. She was initially excited for this thing, and now, well she just wanted to go home and sleep.

Luckily, she didn't have to put too much energy into figuring out what to wear. She had found a dress that still fit her that she had bought for another one of these events when she was in the secret service but never got to wear. It was a beautiful floor length black gown that hugged her body tightly and flared out towards the bottom. It looked very plain from the front, as it was long sleeved and had no embroidery, beading, bows, or lace, and cut straight across her shoulders, showing nothing in the front but her neck. The back however, was cut out in a long, low U shape that showed most of her back and ended just two inches above her tailbone.

She just had to do her makeup and hair, and for that she pulled her hair back away from her face and curled the ends so that they hung down on her bare back. She decided on a simple pearl necklace with matching earrings, and she was done.

As she approached the woman sitting at the check-in table in front of the ballroom, she wondered if any of the team were here already.

"Hello miss, can I have your name and agency please?" the woman asked politely.

"Caitlin Todd, NCIS" Kate stated.

"And your guest?" The woman's question was like another blow to the gut for Kate, but she quickly shook it off.

"He won't be coming," she responded, looking down to avoid the woman's gaze.

"Well ok then Special agent Todd," the woman said as she check off her name on the paper, "It says here you will be sitting at Table 24. The coat check is right past our table on the right and I hope you have a wonderful time!"

"Thank you," she said as she made her way past the table and towards the entrance.

Gibbs had arrived at the hotel an hour early. He was the first person there, and he didn't mind sitting in silence for a while. But soon enough couples from other agencies began filing into the ballroom as well. Before long, the director found him and started up a conversation with him, while Ducky, Abby, and the rest of the team made their way towards the table. Before long, Gibbs found himself looking for a drink and excused himself from his conversation with the director.

But as he began walking towards the bar, his eyes caught the sight of a tall gorgeous brunette slowly descending the long marble staircase into the ballroom. It was only on a second glance that he realized it was Kate and stopped mid-stride in awe.

He always thought she looked nice at work, but he had never seen her look anywhere near as amazing as she did tonight. The long black dress she was wearing was simple and covered everything, but it showed the beautiful shape of her body and her hair was down and curled. Better yet, Mike was nowhere in sight for the moment.

What bothered Gibbs, though, was the blank expression that crossed her face as she stepped down to the ballroom floor and began walking towards the table. It was like he was looking at a totally different woman than the Kate he had known on Air Force One, or for that matter, even a different woman from the Kate he had known a few days ago.

It was only once she saw the shocked expressions of her teammates that Gibbs saw her incredible smile spread across her features. For a few seconds, she looked genuinely happy. And for that, he was happy too. He turned and finished his trip towards the bar, not heading back to the table until he got his drink from the bartender and relishing her smile.


	8. Speaking out

Thursday - 2130 hours – Hilton Washington

_This isn't so bad after all_… Gibbs secretly admitted to himself as he watched his co-workers chat and laugh around the table. The whole dreaded event turned out quite well so far for Gibbs. He had been able to avoid small talk with unnecessary people by sitting with his team at the table and had enjoyed watching them relax. They never really got the chance at the office to have a non-work related conversation with Ducky or Abby and it made Gibbs happy to see them all enjoying themselves. He could tell that Kate was still a little withdrawn from the conversation, sometimes even lost in her own thoughts, but at least she was smiling at Tony and McGee's ridiculous banter.

_At least I'm happy being here this year_, Gibbs thought as he looked away from his team out into the sea of tables. He DESPISED awards, ceremonies, galas, and everything of the sort in Washington D.C, and the only reason he had come tonight was because he was ordered to. Over the years, Gibbs had realized that the whole idea of celebrating law enforcement work with these awards was a sham. No one was actually celebrating. All the people who came to these, whether they worked for the FBI, CIA, NSA, whatever, they had one thing and one thing only on their minds: to carry out their personal political agendas. They came knowing that Washington's most important leaders and politicians attended these fancy events, and every agent or military member in the place was looking to move up in rank. It sickened him, all of the fake personas and forced laughter put out by the men in suits. It was all one big lie.

What was worse, he thought, were the awards they gave out. Agents would walk up proud to receive awards for being temporary "heroes" and give their small cheesy speeches thanking God and their teams for support, and explain their intentions with metaphors to make it sound like their ultimate goal was world peace. Gibbs had been in law enforcement long enough to know that saving lives and avoiding conflict involved more than walking into a situation, flexing your muscles, and scaring off the criminals. Most of the time the sights were gruesome, woman and children screaming and held hostage or men badly injured and in pain. Good agents didn't need trophies and plaques to remember these traumatic events because often it was impossible to erase the horrors from their memories. The whole thing was ridiculous and was the main reason why he never went up to accept his awards.

All of a sudden, Gibbs was pulled out of his train of thought when he heard the tapping of a microphone on the stage.

"Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen, if we could have your attention, we will be starting the awards ceremony in a few moments," announced the MC. And soon enough, the directors of all the different agencies, including NCIS, were filing up onto the stage, waiting to shake hands with the award recipients.

The first few awards were given out to agents from other companies. Each of the agents had gone up and done exactly what Gibbs had predicted, given their cheesy speeches hoping to impress their bosses and other prominent figures in attendance. But soon enough, Director Morrow had walked up to the podium and began to introduce an award for their agency.

"I am truly honored to be able to present this next award," the director had started, "This award is usually given to an agent who has recently, that is within the past few months, saved the lives of three or more people at one time. It is with great pride that I can say that I know the agent who will be receiving this and I think that this agent deserves it more than anyone else I know. For your heroic and amazing feats in saving lives, I present this award to Special Agent Caitlyn Todd!"

Applause erupted in the audience, and as Gibbs looked at Kate, he could tell that she was shocked but not very enthralled to have to get up to receive a plaque. She got up from her chair slowly and weaved her way through the various tables up to the stage. As she walked up, Gibbs got his first view of the back of her dress. He was stunned at the low cut back she chose. _I think that's more of Kate's skin than I have ever seen at one time _he thought, as his mouth hung open a little.

Any traces of happiness had disappeared from Kate as she reached the crowd on stage, with the exception of the half-smile she forced on her face for the picture with her plaque standing next to the row of directors. She hesitated after receiving her award, apparently trying to decide whether or not she wanted to say something to the large audience. She seemed to make up her mind and moved slowly towards the podium.

"I… I didn't plan on getting any awards tonight, so nothing I have to say has been planned," she stuttered, trying to figure out what she wanted to say, "Thank you for the award, but… but more important than this award is my request for everyone sitting here tonight," she said, looking up into the eyes of her crowd for an understanding face.

"This award, well… this award is about saving lives, something we as law enforcement do every single day. We do it so often, in fact, that we sometimes forget about our own lives. We forget that we have spouses, children, brothers, sisters, parents, cousins, friends who all care about us dearly. We forget that there are aspects of life that exist outside the walls of a cubicle or a courtroom or a surveillance van. We forget that we sacrifice our own lives to save the lives of others. But worse, is that not only do we suffer, but so do all those people who love us."

"My request is that you all go home tonight, kiss your children as they sleep, tell your spouse you love them, take time off to visit your parents and siblings. Appreciate what you have, because not everyone has what you do. Not everyone has family to go home to, and I can tell you right now that those lives that you have saved, they would want you as I do to appreciate every second you have to live your life, to love, and to be happy. Thank you very much," Kate finished with passion, showing the pain she felt in her delicate brown eyes.

She left the audience awestruck as she stepped down from the podium and made her way back to their corner table. And Gibbs had never been more proud of her, for he had never once in all his years attending these galas seen a silent audience at the end of a speech.


	9. Leaving Early

Thursday – 2230 hours – Hilton Washington

Kate could barely see as she walked off the stage towards her table. She was on the verge of tears and images were flashing quickly through her mind.

Images of good times with Mike, images of her conversation with him over the phone as he ended what they had, images of the happiness she believed she now had no chance of finding with any man but the one that she was only a few feet away from. And since that man was Gibbs, she knew that would never happen, and thus, she would never find true happiness.

By the time she reached her seat, she had managed to push the tears back into her eyes and look around the room to find that she was receiving a standing ovation from the people around her. She gave a slight smile to those around her, but then quickly lowered her head to hide her face. She knew she didn't have the energy to hold up a falsely happy façade much longer.

When she lifted her head again, everyone around her had sat and brought their attention back to the next speaker on stage. But she could have sworn that she saw Gibbs quickly glance at her with a look of approval before looking back at the stage. Normally, that would have made her very happy. But she needed more than she would get from him.

As soon as the awards ceremony had ended, Kate began gathering her things to leave.

"Kate! Where are you going? You OK?" Abby stopped mid-conversation with McGee to ask Kate.

"Yeah Abbs, I'm fine, I just feel a little faint, I think I'm going to head home and get some rest," she lied.

"You gonna be OK to drive?" Tony asked, butting in to the discussion.

"Yes, I'll be fine Tony, " she said and gave him a reassuring smile.

Before anyone else could ask her any more questions, she grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

"Good night everyone! See you all tomorrow," she yelled as she walked away, and within seconds, she was gone.

Gibbs watched as she scurried from the table and took off. He couldn't for the life of him figure Kate out. She seemed happy when she first arrived. _At least happier than she had been_ he thought to himself. She was a little withdrawn from the conversation, but when she was called up for the award, well something changed.

"Jethro, what's wrong?" Ducky noticed Gibbs' face.

"Something wasn't ok with Kate, duck…" Gibbs responded quietly.

"Ahh," Ducky said with a sigh, "I believe it had something to do with her speech, Jethro. Family, the very thing she just talked about on stage, is something she seems to be having an issue with right now."

"Yeah, maybe," Gibbs thought about Ducky's words, "I need to go make sure she's ok. If the director comes around, can you just tell him…"

"I'll take care of it. Just go to her, Jethro. She needs you," Ducky interrupted.

"Thanks, Duck," Gibbs said as he grabbed his tux jacket from the back of his chair and took off towards the door.


	10. Thinking truth

Thursday – 2340 hours – Kate's Apartment

Kate opened the door to her apartment, threw her bag, gun, and coat on the coffee table in her living room, and collapsed onto the couch. She laid there in the darkness, as the tears she held back before began streaming down her face. She wished things would just work out for her once in a while without her having to sacrifice what she loved.

This time, she knew she had to sacrifice her job or her life, and she hated having to give away either.

But before she could even begin to rationalize either choice, she was slightly startled by a knock at her door. Hoping that whoever it was would go away, she didn't get up from the couch, and she didn't make a sound. But rather than hear them walk away, she heard the person try the door, and within seconds light seeped in through the opening.

Kate quickly grabbed her gun off the table as she sat up on the couch and pointed it directly at the door, only to find Gibbs in his tux enter the scene.

"Jesus, Gibbs," she sighed as she placed the gun back on the table. As he watched her, he noticed her hands were shaking.

"What's going on, Kate? What has been going on for the past few days?" Gibbs asked her quietly. He turned around and shut the door before waiting for a response from her, leaving them both back in the darkness of the apartment.

"Nothing you need worry about, Gibbs," she stated quietly, almost whispering. She didn't look up at him out of embarrassment and vanity. He had never seen her cry, and if it were up to her, he never would. She had worked too hard to show him that she was just as strong and capable as he was.

Standing in front of her, he began to get a little angry that she wouldn't let him in. "Kate, I thought you of all people would know this already. I may not need to worry about it now, but when you come back to work tomorrow and we're working on a case and YOU'RE distracted by this problem, well then I have to worry about it."

Kate was taken aback by his words. Not only did he just reprimand her for not disclosing her personal life onto him, she felt like he was telling her that her pain was causing her to be unprofessional.

"Is that what you came here to tell me, Gibbs, that I could hurt the team if I don't suck it up, pack my problems in a box and put them to the side? Well, you know what? I can't do that and I won't do that. I'm not you. And, the fact that you think I would EVER jeopardize a case or our team with my personal problems is just hurtful. I'm a big girl, Gibbs. I can fix my own problems," she yelled in response. At this point, she had lifted her head to reveal her face. Her eyes were filled with fire and anger.

"Well obviously, you can't Kate. We all saw you tonight, and I have seen you the past few days, and you weren't fully there. You've obviously been trying to fix it and so far you haven't been able to do it alone." Gibbs stated back in competition. He couldn't understand why she was making this so difficult.

He walked over by the couch, but as soon as he came closer, she got up and walked towards the window, where she looked down at the street.

"You wanna know what's going on Gibbs? I'm thirty five years old and I have no life. Just when I think things are going great for me, the rug gets pulled out from under me and I'm blindfolded. I knew it would be difficult to have a family and work as an NCIS agent when I started this job, but damn it Gibbs, I haven't even been given a chance," She ranted. "Every time I start a new relationship, the guys have a hard time dealing with our hours. Fine, you know, fine. Whatever. But when I finally find a guy who understands my devotion to my job and is ok with my dedication to it, he tells me I live too dangerous a life."

As Gibbs sat on the couch listening to her talk, he could hear and feel the pain in her voice. He could only see her back, as illuminated by the light that fell in through the window she stood next to.

"For the first time, I truly believed I had a chance at happiness. But now I realize that I can't have it all. I can't love my job and have a successful relationship together. It just can't happen. It wasn't even like he was my first choice to settle down with, but I could have been happy with him or anyone…" Kate blurted out as her voice faded away into the darkness.

Gibbs wanted to comfort her, to hold her in his arms and kiss the pain away, but at the moment, he couldn't even think of anything to say that might help her situation. Considering his history with work and family, it didn't work out well for him either, so he really couldn't offer advice.

They stood in silence in the dark apartment for a few moments, each lost in their own thought.

Then Gibbs, not knowing what else to do, slowly made his way over to the window next to Kate, where he lightly placed his hand on the small of her back. For a moment, he forgot that her dress left most of her back exposed, and was slightly shocked to feel her skin. Instantly, he heard her breathe in sharply and felt goosebumps form on her skin under his hand.

Kate wanted so badly to turn around and kiss him right there, but she held back, enjoying the touch of his skin against hers. She kept her gaze on the street at the bottom of the window, afraid to look up and allow her lips access to his.

"Whenever I don't know what to do with myself," Gibbs whispered towards her, " I ask myself what the two most important things in the world are to me, and I make sure that my plans allow me to get those things."

"Well, my second most important thing would be my job…" Kate thought aloud.

"And the first?" Gibbs asked.

"You," she whispered.

Author's note: Don't worry everyone! It's not over yet! And thank you again for all of the wonderful support, it has definitely encouraged me to keep writing!!! Stay Posted for the next chapter!


	11. The Realization

**Author's Note: So I was trying not to make the ending too cheesy, but more realistic and true to the show. Hope you like it! Please, please let me know what you think! Also, if anyone has any ideas for another fic, feel free to let me know! Thank you all for your support!**

Thursday – 2355 hours – Kate's Apartment

_You…_

_You…_

_You…_

The word seemed to be echoing throughout Gibbs' mind, as he had never been so completely stunned in his life. Another long bout of silence settled between the pair as Gibbs tried to comprehend what just happened and Kate looked out onto the moonlit street below her apartment.

Gibbs moved away from the window and took a seat on the couch, resting his head in his hands. _This is exactly what you wanted Gibbs_ he thought to himself. But, as much as he wanted this, as badly as he wanted this, he knew the consequences just as well as Kate. He understood what would happen at work, he understood the giant age gap between them. He didn't want to hurt her like he had the others.

Kate craned her neck around to watch Gibbs, not moving away from her post at the window. Based on the silence, she wasn't sure if she was going to regret what she had just done or get to enjoy every moment from here on out with the man she loved. There was a huge possibility that she just spilled her guts to a man who wasn't even remotely attracted to her. And even if he was, they both knew the issues with a potential relationship. She knew what he was thinking as he sat on the couch, and frankly, she didn't want to talk about any of it. She had already thought about it all many times before, and those reasons were mainly why none of this had come out before.

Kate was the first to break their silence.

"So how exactly do I go about making plans to get those two things?" she said quietly, "Can I even have those two things at once?"

Once again, Gibbs felt pain in her words. He could _feel_ in his heart how badly she wanted both things. And the irony was that he felt the same.

Maybe it was the room. Maybe his mind had given up in the war it waged with his heart. Maybe it was her pain combined with his desire. But whatever it was, within an instant, Gibbs' instinct told him he needed her. It told him that this would work, despite the problems that rolled around endlessly in his mind. And that famous gut of his, well he decided it was gonna work for him again.

Kate saw Gibbs lift his head out of hands. And without another move, he responded:

"You already have both."

She looked back towards the window. It took a few seconds for her to register what was said, but before she knew it, she was smiling and tears were streaming down her face again. She turned her body around towards him, only to see him moving towards her. They met in the middle of the dark room, Gibbs wrapping his arms around her body and holding her as close as he could. He felt her relax as she rested her head against his body.

For the first time in her life, Kate felt completely happy. Neither one of them planned on letting the other go anytime soon, and so they stood holding each other in the silent darkened apartment, cherishing the moment and forgetting the rest.


End file.
